In the Company of My Sisters: Why Black Women's Sisterhood Heals

A few weeks ago, I went to a Women's Wealth Builders live event. The room was full of serious investors: Black women who own office buildings and multifamily properties, who invest in tech and venture capital. They were impressive. Me? I don't know the first thing about any of it. If there's a category below “novice,” that's where I live.

And still, I felt completely at home.

That surprised me at first. But the more I sat with it, the more it made sense. I wasn't at home because I understood cap rates. I was at home because I was in a room full of women. I was in the company of my sisters.  I met someone who is an equal novice and we have talked on the phone since.

A lifetime of womaning

When I look back, I see that I've always sought out these rooms. My mother is one of six sisters. I went to an all-girls high school. I joined a sorority in college. I studied Black women's careers for my dissertation. For ten years, I ran groups for Black women at the University of Michigan. I have lead and participate in Women’s Ministries.   Today I'm part of Women & Words, my graduate chapter of my sorority, a mastermind for entrepreneur women with minoritized identities, and more Sisterfriend book clubs than I can count.

Whew. That's a lot of womaning.

But I don't think it's an accident. These spaces are my modern-day version of women walking together to the river to draw water and wash clothes. It's the togetherness, the camaraderie, the shared stories. Those rooms fill me up. I leave a little more pumped to keep going, to chase my goals, and to reach back and help someone else.

In her book Sisterhood Heals, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford describes women's spaces as sacred and healing, and reminds us that we are wired for connection and meaningful relationships. I agree with Dr. Joy, and I'll go one step further: we need to protect those spaces. Whether it's women's ministry, a bridal or baby shower, or a good old-fashioned girls' night out, some rooms are meant to be just for us.

Where the healing happens

Friendships between women are emotionally safe places, and safe places are where healing happens. In those spaces we can exhale, cry, vent, laugh until we can't breathe, and walk out lighter and more whole.

My friendships with women have been rich and deep, and they also carry me through the ordinary, everyday challenges of life. I've written before about a few of my enduring friendships, some of which are still part of my daily life. What happens in those relationships is, honestly, downright magic.   My best friend and I have been doing life together since college.  We have buried parents, we were maid of honor in each other’s weddings and prayed each other thru complicated dilemmas.   The night my husband died I put out a call and within 24 hours she was walking thru my front door.   When healing was needed the most my sister appeared. 

Being seen, in a world that doesn't always see us

When Black women create a cocoon of sisterhood, we are affirmed for who we are as individuals (Leath, 2022). Those relationships also affirm our cultural heritage, our values, and our histories.

At a time when disrespect toward Black women is everywhere, rooms full of Black women celebrating who we are matter more than ever. Our fabulousness: the big earrings, the jewelry, the cackling, the laughter that's “too loud” for everyone else. These things are not extra. They are worth cherishing, because they are part of how we survive.

Being seen, valued, and respected is a basic human need. Black feminist scholar Patricia Hill Collins has written about how, in everyday conversation (both the serious talks and the joking), Black women affirm one another's humanity, our specialness, and our right to exist as sisters and friends.

That's exactly what happens for me.

In the company of my sisters

In the company of my sisters,

I am healed.

I am seen.

I am made whole.

I am affirmed.

I am valued.

I am respected.

I am made new.

This is why I created The Survival Guide Cohort:   A Sanctuary of Resilience, Refinement & Renewal for Black Women  so that Black women can grow, heal, and transform in the company of sisters.   Over these years I have witness groups that the connection and comfort create magic for each other. Here the link for more information:   The Survival Guide Cohort | Dr.Stacey Inspires

There's a gospel song that says it better than I can: Hezekiah Walker's “I Need You to Survive.” Every time I hear it, I think of my sisters. I need you. You need me. We were never meant to do this alone.

So, sis, stand with me. I need you to survive!